Why do I find homemaking so fulfilling? Why is it that I have no doubts or worries, that I am not wondering about my identity or looking for something meaningful to do? I ask myself this because it does appear to puzzle people. I have people suggest to me that I am happy at home because I am the homemaking type, or that I just enjoy that sort of thing, which seems to imply that my favorite hobbies are baking cakes and sewing cushions to adorn my sofa. This amuses me and has struck me as profoundly inaccurate. It is indeed true to say that I enjoy making a cake or sewing a cushion, but not for their own sake. In fact, my personality and gifts are probably less in the domestic arts than many women who feel they are losing their identity by staying at home. As a girl and a student I tended towards being a bookworm and climbing every tree in range. This of climbing trees and also reading in them did not diminish in college. I found history, and literature, ancient mythology and old languages fascinating and deeply stirring. I only occasionally cooked, and I sewed even less. Knitting and cross stitch still fail to captivate my mind. Cleaning the bathroom captivates me even less. Adventure and academics sounded pretty darn good to me. Either I have indeed lost my identity as so many women seem to fear for themselves or something else is going on.
I always knew even as a little girl that I wanted to be married and a mother who stayed at home. I had my single missionary moment at twelve, considered rock climbing at the age of eight, but deep down, I knew what I really wanted. This was because the most godly fruitful women in my life had no career and were not seeking the high places and yet their influence was and is profound, and the fruit of their labours in the small things was impressive. Before I even had words to frame it I could smell the aroma of a wonderful God-given calling. Of course I grew in my understanding of this calling and found it in the scriptures. I began to see how all of my knowledge and gifts could be offered up in this place. I knew that when I left my parents’ roof my home would be my talent which I could either bury in the ground or work and multiply it in order to offer it back to God.
One of the scriptures that clearly emphasizes the calling of women to their homes is Titus 2:4-5. It tells us what the older women are to teach the young women. This means that it is a command from God and it is specific to women. It says nothing about what women may not do, but it does delegate profound responsibilities to women: “To be discreet chaste, keepers at home, obedient to their own husband, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Many would say that this was culture specific, but there is nothing in the context to suggest this--nothing but our modern desire for it to be true. The desire to shirk these responsibilities is caused by a belief that they are not gifts, that they are not in fact good things, that it is burdensome and limiting to keep the home not to mention the obey your own husbands bit. The human heart always wants to decide what is in fact good, noble and important instead of letting God. We suspect God of tricking us out of a good thing, and like the serpent suggested in the garden, keeping us from being like him, making us into servants. This comes from a profoundly wrong view of God. If we are his children, then he desires good things for us. How much more will our Father in heaven give us than the world will? We must stop fearing servanthood. Being a servant is good. It is what our Savior did. He did not do this because servanthood was the goal, but because servanthood is the way to exaltation. Homemakers are indeed serving in their homes, but the more they serve the more they are exalted
So why do I find my what I do fulfilling? Because it is not a hobby but a calling from God. If God has given me a gift, then it must be good; if God has given me a job to do than it must be meaningful. It is that belief that gives me peace and joy in my calling, not an innate love of cake-baking, and sewing. The many small jobs that are included in homemaking are meaningful only if they are making tangible the love that I have received from God and communicating it in the realm that I have complete dominion over.
Well said, Brooke. I also do not have a natural inclination toward the domestic arts, but I do have an inclination to make a home where my family feels loved and provided for; full of memories and goodies. Recently I was listening to some long involved story that my youngest was telling me. My son later try to get me to admit that I couldn't possibly have been interested in what she was saying. I told him I was interested in her, though. Keep it up, Brooke
ReplyDeleteBeautiful post, Brooke, as your others have been. You are a refreshing example of the most exalting kind of femininity and servitude. Thank you! Yet I’d like to mention two things which I think warrant clarification:
ReplyDelete(1) Being active outside the home does not amount to a woman’s ‘seeking the high places’, if by the latter you mean idolatry. (I don’t think you intended to suggest that it does, but someone might uncharitably interpret your text as suggesting it.) A woman can serve God by being active outside the home just as she can in the home, if this is God’s calling on her and if she does it to serve him; the Bible is full of examples of such women. The home’s being her unique dominion does not change this.
(2) It’s important to note that the home is not free from ‘high places’ of its own. Anything, even doing what God has called us to do, can be an idol. That said, you are a stunning example of someone who follows God’s calling on her in the most holy of spirits. Thanks for your servitude both in your home and in your eloquent posts :-)
I think what you are really trying to say is much broader than the juxtaposition between homemakers and non-homemakers. It comes down to how you find your value and what your identity is based upon.
ReplyDeleteYou are content and happy as a homemaker because you view it as your calling - the place where God intended you to be. That is to say, your core identity is not so much as that of a 'homemaker' - but as a Christian woman who is doing the work that God has given you. You find your work to be noble and meaningful because you know God has given you a unique place to serve him.
The same can be said of a single woman who has been called to seek a career. It's not the same kind of work, but the same kind of joy can be found. In the end, our identity is not in what we do, but in who we do it for.
I think the mistake often made by women who are seeking their identity is that they look to formulas of 'the successful life,' rather than listening/praying/following where God gives them opportunities.
This can be true of the secular feminist who is driven to find meaning in a high-power career and multiple advanced degrees. It can also be true of the good Christian woman who follows the 'formula' of being a stay-at-home mom and tries to find personal meaning as a homemaker.
The job itself is not what gives us happiness -it is our connection with Christ. Without God at the center, the 'calling' is hollow - our identity is hollow.
All that said, I am so happy that you are content and happy - that the lines have fallen in pleasant places. Just be careful when comparing your place to others - God distributes different callings - he gives each of us a different story - they are all equally glorious when we use them to glorify him.
Katherine, Thank you. By high places I wasn't meaning idolatry, but prestige in the world's eyes. Being a mother at home is not highly esteemed. I hope I did not imply that doing things, working etc. outside the home is in anyway wrong. I had hoped to make that clear when I pointed out that the Titus passage does not say what we may not do. However, that the home should be a priority is clear, whether you are single and providing for yourself in fulltime work that God has given you or married with children to look after. Obviously it will look different in those situations. Your second point is very true. Idolatry can take place anywhere because it is a heart matter.
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